i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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