So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
