gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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