Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize