i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
