the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
