I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
