I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
