At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
