Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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