We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
