you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
