Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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