I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
