Umm I'm too high to move.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
