Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
