He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
