I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
