One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
