I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
