You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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