I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
