I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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