when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
is it fun? or sober?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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