if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize