Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
