I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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