Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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