Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
