Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
