Where did you get a picture of my penis
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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