So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The air was thick with penises
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
