just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
