I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
