yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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