Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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