Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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