dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
