Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize