his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
