good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
