and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
