I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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