in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
