What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize