I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
