I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think i have two assholes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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