No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
