i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
