i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize