I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
