I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
