what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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