I'm going to jail i love you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize