pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
