what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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