i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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