I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
