i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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