Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I could fuck to npr.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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