so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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