well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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