Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
