He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
