Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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