We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
