His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
