perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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