But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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