dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He kissed a someone with a penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
