i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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