I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
