So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
