We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
