I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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