its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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