drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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