He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
