THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
