Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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