i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
