Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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