maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was confusing and full of hummus
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
