She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Terrible idea I love it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
