That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
