Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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