Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
