Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
