Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
