I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
