Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
