He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
