is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
