if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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