Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
