Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
