If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
