my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
