Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
