dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
