omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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