Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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