Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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