fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
