You work out of a Hotel?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
