Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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