I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
