I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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